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From the Back Cover
Surefire methods to neutralize the nasty people in your life Have you been hurt, betrayed, or degraded by a nasty person? Perhaps it's your boss, your parent, or your spouse. Whoever it is, he or she is an invalidator who feeds on your self-esteem, mental anguish, and unhappiness. But you can stop this cycle of abuse and put an end to sneak attacks on your soul--without resorting to nasty tactics. In this updated bestselling guide to staying sane while dealing with difficult people, Jay Carter, Psy.D., calls upon decades of practice and observation to offer proven strategies for avoiding toxic relationships. With straight-talking advice, real-life anecdotes, and psychology that makes sense, Dr. Carter gives you the surefire tricks and techniques you need to: Identify the invalidators in your life Protect your sanity Use humor to get out of the blame game Conquer self-doubt Stop invalidating yourself Confront emotional bullies See the bigger picture Reclaim the captain's seat of your soul
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About the Author
Jay Carter, Phsy.D., DAPBS, is a psychologist who has treated couples and women for decades. The bestselling author of Nasty Men and Nasty Women, and a sought-after motivational speaker, Dr. Carter has made numerous appearances both nationally and internationally. He has also been a guest on "Larry King Live" and "The Montel Williams Show."
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Product details
Paperback: 105 pages
Publisher: McGraw-Hill Education; Revised edition (May 26, 2003)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0071410228
ISBN-13: 978-0071410229
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.4 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.4 out of 5 stars
242 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#76,790 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
While I was drawn to this title in desperation after having a coworker try to ruin my career and sanity with gossip, this book is actually good for anybody and everybody. The best part of this book was when the author directed certain readers to another book (Codependent No More) prior to going further in his book. That was a great suggestion for me, and I feel like I wouldn't have gotten the full effect of this book without reading that one first. The author explains the complicated nature of invalidation and gives the reader tools to a) keep an invalidator from invalidating you; b) recognize the invalidator in yourself and understand not only why you get like that but what you can do to stop yourself; and c) learn to have some measure of healthy compassion for the invalidators you come across.I spent 90% of a three day weekend on these two books. I can say that, after trying unsuccessfully to handle stress, anxiety and depression through multiple attempts with medication, food, alcohol, etc - that I have felt more calm, happier, and more "present" than I have, maybe ever. I also have no anxiety about going to work tomorrow. The thoughts and memories of previous insults, bullying, abuse, and even little slights (as well as things I've said and done myself that were invalidating to others) seem to come up in my mind like they always do, but I've been able to see them for what they were and calmly put them to the side. It's too soon to really tell how this will change my life or anything, but I'll know the next time I'm faced with a difficult situation (probably tomorrow, haha).
Despite its relative brevity, this book is packed with very illuminating information about the insidious and destructive tactics used by all of us when in a less-than-healthy place emotionally. Of course, the author makes allowance for the truly egregious offenders, those who set out to wreck the psyches of other people. Most important, he describes general ways, with a few specific examples, of how to effectly disarm such people and take your sanity back. I appreciated the author's acknowledgement that there isn't a "one size fits all approach" to dealing with nasty people. Nevertheless, he points you in the right direction and arms you with the tools you need to cope. Bravo!
For me, the examples and scenarios were the best tool for understanding. The theory is fine, but as he said we all invalidate from time to time and ~21% of us do it all the time consciously or unconsciously. Unfortunately imo there are too few societal examples of healthy behavior and hundreds of tv programs and series where invalidation is the driving "drama" or entertainment... out there possibly spreading the "disease" of invalidation as normal or acceptable behavior. Thus, my three star rating is based on the lack of examples. Many people who invalidate are seasoned pros and I found assertive communication with them is like stepping into a boxing ring for the first time and your opponent is Mike Tyson, unwilling to pull punches and if he thinks he is going to "lose" he will bite your ear off.
This book has been my go to " SELF HELP Bible." I read this when it was first published and I still refer to it today (almost 25 years later.). It is CONCISE, HELPFUL, EYE OPENING and LIFE CHANGING. It gives one very easy to learn and apply methods for identifying NASTY people, honing in on the effect it has on you and techniques to protect you from further abuse. EVERYONE can benefit.....Of course, if YOU are an invalidator this book will NOT appeal to you. Sorry, Invalidator, you won't be able to manipulate any longer. :)
"Nasty People" is a book that I recommend to my life coaching clients. Most clients tend to have someone in their lives who chooses to show up in an "unhelpful way". That's when this treasure of a book comes in handy. When I first read it I laughed out loud several times. Jay Carter has a gift for helping us learn about Nasty People in a light hearted and poignant way. Thank you Jay for helping me equip my clients with healthy understanding and strategies for navigating their difficult relationships.
I have given away more copies of this than any other book in my life. There is a good reason for that. Invalidators, or "nasty people" as Jay Carter calls them are everywhere. Parents, friends, wives, husbands, well they are just everywhere. People who want to shame and blame and humiliate you. People who want to trick you into arguments that you always loose because you are just an inferior, damaged person.Had enough? Ready to learn how to feel better about yourself and stop wasting your time fighting over something with someone who really doesn't care about anything except making you feel bad.Jay Carter also does a good job of showing how invalidators often do what they do because it is how they were raised. He offers some hope that someday, an invalidator may change their evil ways but it is OK for you to set boundaries, blow their cover and take care of your self in the mean time.I RECOMMEND THIS BOOK MORE THAN SIMILAR TYPES OF BOOKS ABOUT DEALING WITH PEOPLE YOU CAN'T STAND. It is sooooo simple and easy to understand. Just a great book to help you quit allowing people to beat you up because your are not perfect, have ADHD, are a bit eccentric, and a million other behaviors that make each of of different. HIGHLY, HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!
Jay Carter does an excellent job telling us how to control the really nasty people in our lives. He calls them INVALIDATORS and we all have a few of them hanging around to give us eternal grief from time to time. This book gives you the tools to put such people in their place. This book nails the Invalidators to the wall and teaches us how to turn their nasty ways back on themselves. I've had this book in it's first printing back in the early 1990's and bought the updated version as well. I wore my first copy of the book out. I locked it in my top desk drawer at work. It was my reference book to manage the people who gave me grief. The good news is I survived and they didn't. The book works. Buy it and eliminate the pests.
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